Certificate:

Director: Robert Schwentke

Release Date: 22 October 2010

Tagline: Looking for a little action.

Main Cast:

Bruce Willis … Frank Moses

Mary-Louise Parker … Sarah Ross

Karl Urban … William Cooper

John Malkovich … Marvin Boggs

Helen Mirren … Victoria

When former black-ops agent Frank Moses is attacked by a highly skilled assassin, he reassembles his old team in a last ditch effort to survive and uncover his assailants.

Red is a cracking film. Somehow they’ve managed to make a comedy action film that’s not in the least bit corny or embarrassing! All of the actors are perfect, but Helen Mirren is inspired casting. An British Dame playing the role of a retired assassin who’s more than handy with a machine gun!

Great fun and throughly enjoyed by an action film hater!

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Richard De Aragues

Release Date: 22 April 2011

Tagline: Just because you’re breathing doesn’t mean you’re alive.

Main Cast: (as themselves)

Guy Martin

Ian Hutchinson

John McGuinness

I don’t like motor sport. Formula 1, motor bikes, NASCAR etc bore me senseless. However, the Isle of Man TT Races are more than just motor sport. Much, much more. If you are unfamiliar with the annual event, then this, in a nutshell, is what it’s all about. Basically, it’s a road race event where complete nut cases drive road motor bikes (with engines that have been converted to race bike performance) at speeds up to 200 mph round the coastal, towns and village roads of the IOM. There have been many fatal accidents since its inception but this is much of the appeal. They ride their bikes by the seat of their pants. To win a race is the ultimate in glory, and it’s a very small section of bikers that take part.

You don’t need to be a fan of motor sports to enjoy this, so give it a go

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Lynne Ramsay

Release Date: 21 October 2011

Tagline: Mummy’s little monster.

Main Cast:

Tilda Swinton … Eva Khatchadourian

John C. Reilly … Franklin

Ezra Miller … Kevin, teenager

Jasper Newell … Kevin, 6-8 years

Rock Duer  …  Kevin, toddler

We need to talk about how great this film is! Tilda Swinton is absolutely fantastic and takes you deep in to Eva’s misery. Jasper Newell is also fantastic – he really makes you want to pummel his evil little face in. Ezra Miller also does a fine job with the teenaged Kevin.

In a nutshell, Eva is happily married to Franklin (John C. Riley) and have a baby which they name Kevin. From the off, Kevin is a difficult child. As a baby, he screamed constantly when she was with him, but behaved like an angel in his father’s arms. His behaviour continues in this vein for years and Eva struggles to love her son, who shows her nothing but contempt. She becomes ever increasingly haggard and drawn as the years pass. The film switches between past and present as the story unfolds and never becomes confused (no small thanks to different haircuts!)

Does Kevin have a ‘behavioural disorder’ or is he really just enjoying himself? You’ll ask yourself this a few times, swinging from one to the other. I’m not saying which one I decided on!

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Edgar Wright

Release Date: 14 February 2010

Tagline: In a town where nothing much goes on, a whole lot is about to go down.

Main Cast:

Simon Pegg … Nicholas Angel

Nick Frost … PC Danny Butterman

I don’t know why I waited so long to watch this. I like Simon Pegg, but was put off by the poor reviews. Hot Fuzz is, in fact, very, very funny. I have a feeling though that people who didn’t grow up in a small country village (like I did) might not get the wonderful parody of village life. Perhaps it was those people who didn’t like it.

Nicholas Angel is almost superhuman. He is an outstanding cop in the Metropolitan Police with an amazing arrest record. However, his fellow officers don’t like the fact that he makes them look bad and he is transferred to Sandford, a very traditional rural village. His new colleagues turn a blind eye to anything and everything that goes on, but Nicholas, being a stickler for the law, cannot let anything go unpunished. When a series of fatal ‘accidents’ occur, he begins to get suspicious and becomes determined to get to the root of things.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Pedro Almodóvar

Release Date: 26 August 2011

Main Cast:

Antonio Banderas … Robert Ledgard

Elena Anaya … Vera

Blanca Suárez … Norma

Jan Cornet … Vincente

Marisa Paredes … Marilia

Blimey! What an amazing film. Pedro Almodóvar does it again.

A brilliant plastic surgeon creates a type of synthetic skin that withstands any kind of damage. His human test subject is a beautiful woman named Vera who is contained within his home, and cared for by his head servant Marilia. Vera wears a skin-coloured suit made out of fabric instead of clothes and she is constantly watched by Robert and Marilia. She never leaves her room, which only Robert himself holds the key to.

You get no more than that from me! An absolute must see.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Guillem Morales

Release Date: 20 May 2011

Tagline: You can’t hide in the dark.

Main Cast:

Belén Rueda … Julia Levin / Sara

Lluís Homar … Isaac

Pablo Derqui … Ángel

This is a real treat!

In a nutshell, Sara and her twin sister, Julia both suffer from the same degenerative eye problem that is untreatable. After Sarah is found hanged at her home, Julia and her husband temporarily move in to Sarah’s home to deal with the funeral and such like. However, Julia suspects that her sister was murdered and tries to get to the bottom of it. As her own sight begins to falter things take a turn for the worse and she finds herself in a very dangerous situation.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Ben Wheatley

Release Date: 2 September 2011

Tagline: They are bad people. They should suffer.

Main Cast:

Neil Maskell … Jay

MyAnna Buring … Shel

Harry Simpson … Sam

Michael Smiley  …  Gal

Pulp Fiction meets The Wicker Man and not in a good way. It’s bloody awful. No redeeming features whatsoever.

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Duncan Jones

Release Date: 1 April 2011

Tagline: Make every second count.

Main Cast:

Jake Gyllenhaal … Colter Stevens

Michelle Monaghan … Christina Warren

Vera Farmiga Colleen Goodwin

I’m not a believer in parallel universes (I think it’s an easy cop out for scientists when they can’t explain something), so I’m in two minds (one in this universe and one in another?) about this. I really enjoyed it up until the end when it got all sentimental and schmaltzy. Source Code is basically Groundhog Day with peril and some dodgy acting (Michelle Monaghan is bland and uninteresting).

As was explained to us early in the film, they have the ability to put the consciousness of one person (x) into the mind of another person (y) in the last eight minutes of y’s life (in this case Colter in to a man called Sean Fentress). For reasons that will become apparent, it is mentioned that the scientist chose Sean because of his physical similarity to Colter. A train on its way into Chicago is blown up (nice SFX here), and Colter is sent into an alternate/parallel universe to discover the identity of the person who placed the bomb on said train. He is told that he cannot affect the outcome as he can’t change the past – his mission is simply to find out who the person is so that they can stop him from further bombings. I could have told him who it was in the second attempt and saved him the bother

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!

In the end, the story gets really bogged down in its own quantum physics complexity. Christina obviously knows who Sean is – she is travelling with him. She also has a bit of a thing for Sean. As each attempt is in its own separate timeline she should find his behaviour odd every time, but she doesn’t seem all that bothered. Now, here’s where the ‘physical similarities’ comes in. Guess what? Colter, in between trying to find the bomber, falls in love with her. It’s a good job they put him into that handsome male body and not the pale and spotty geek or, Heaven forbid, the old lady on the top deck! She’s also a deus ex machina – a sloppy plot device if ever I saw one.

I thought that they’d actually come up with a plausible and poignant ending (the freeze frame scene), but that was wrenched away only to be replaced by a ‘lovely’ ending.

So, what happened to Sean in the timeline where Colter saves the day and gets the girl? I don’t think we’re supposed to ask this! Is it even morally ethical for Colter to steal Sean’s body? Surely someone as conscientious as a heroic soldier wouldn’t do such a thing. Oh – wait a minute – in this timeline Sean doesn’t die. Which means that Colter could not have entered his mind because there would be no ‘last eight minutes’ for Sean.

The things that we are asked to suspend disbelief for the sake of stupid endings never ceases to amaze me.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Takashi Miike

Release Date: 25 September 2010

Tagline: Take up your sword.

Main Cast:

Kôji Yakusho … Shinzaemon Shimada

Takayuki Yamada … Shinrouko

Yûsuke Iseya … Koyata

Gorô Inagaki … Lord Naritsugu Matsudaira

WARNING – MAJOR SPOILER BELOW!

This should have been called 12 Assassins and a Village Idiot With a Sling Shot. I love a good martial arts and sword fight film, but this is tedious beyond belief. Films of this genre, e.g. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,  are usually very believable. I understand that you sometimes have to suspend disbelief, but this goes beyond that.

Let’s start with the ‘village idiot’. He is found in the forest/mountains where a group of highly trained samurais have got lost in on the way to the showdown with the evil Lord Naritsugu Matsudaira. He’s the only one who lives in the forest/whatever, but they find him caught in a trap up in a tree. He’s an idiot, but surely not so much of an idiot that he would get caught in one of, presumably, his own traps.

Moving on to the fight scene. The amount of ludicrous traps that are made and set seemingly overnight in a small village are ridiculous. Somehow, the said assassins and idiot manage to fight and kill around two hundred proficient swordsmen. This goes on for an insufferable amount of time. The final scene where Lord Naritsugu Matsudaira is confronted by the man set on killing him is a total let down. At the end of the film, there are only two men left standing; one assassin and the idiot.

Yawn.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Luc Besson

Release Date: 3 February 1995

Tagline: A perfect assassin. An innocent girl. They have nothing left to lose except each other.

Main Cast:

Jean Reno … Léon

Natalie Portman … Matilda

Gary Oldman … Stansfield

Danny Aiello … Tony

I watched this film shortly after it was released. I say “watch”, but I switched it off because of Gary Oldman’s excruciating and embarrassing over acting, amongst other things. So, “why?” I hear you ask, “are you reviewing a film you watched fifteen or so years ago”. Well, it was leant to my husband so I thought I’d give it another chance. This time I watched it all, and I still don’t like it.

A hitman (who is really a gentle soul at heart) ‘inherits’ a young girl who’s family have been gunned down by a team of corrupt cops. Not only are these cops inept, but they look pretty ridiculous too. And yes, you’ve guessed it, Gary Oldman plays the and megalomaniacal leader of this ridiculous bunch. He’s some kind of drug addict (prescription?) who, when chewing his pill behaves like Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) on acid. I don’t want to spoil the ending for you (if you still want to watch it) but I’m guessing that women and children were killed during the finale.

Natalie Portman is excellent as Matilda, but the character is unbelievable and unlikeable.

Leon is cliche ridden and pretentious. It’s like the Beatles and Elvis. You don’t dare say that you don’t like them/him because everyone else are sheep and will deem you to be a tasteless being who is clearly from another planet. Ask yourself this – have you ever come across anybody who says that they don’t like the Beatles or Elvis? No, of course you haven’t. Unless you know me, that is.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars