Source Code

Certificate: Certificate 12A

Director: Duncan Jones

Release Date: 1 April 2011

Tagline: Make every second count.

Main Cast:

Jake Gyllenhaal … Colter Stevens

Michelle Monaghan … Christina Warren

Vera Farmiga Colleen Goodwin

I’m not a believer in parallel universes (I think it’s an easy cop out for scientists when they can’t explain something), so I’m in two minds (one in this universe and one in another?) about this. I really enjoyed it up until the end when it got all sentimental and schmaltzy. Source Code is basically Groundhog Day with peril and some dodgy acting (Michelle Monaghan is bland and uninteresting).

As was explained to us early in the film, they have the ability to put the consciousness of one person (x) into the mind of another person (y) in the last eight minutes of y’s life (in this case Colter in to a man called Sean Fentress). For reasons that will become apparent, it is mentioned that the scientist chose Sean because of his physical similarity to Colter. A train on its way into Chicago is blown up (nice SFX here), and Colter is sent into an alternate/parallel universe to discover the identity of the person who placed the bomb on said train. He is told that he cannot affect the outcome as he can’t change the past – his mission is simply to find out who the person is so that they can stop him from further bombings. I could have told him who it was in the second attempt and saved him the bother :-)

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!

In the end, the story gets really bogged down in its own quantum physics complexity. Christina obviously knows who Sean is – she is travelling with him. She also has a bit of a thing for Sean. As each attempt is in its own separate timeline she should find his behaviour odd every time, but she doesn’t seem all that bothered. Now, here’s where the ‘physical similarities’ comes in. Guess what? Colter, in between trying to find the bomber, falls in love with her. It’s a good job they put him into that handsome male body and not the pale and spotty geek or, Heaven forbid, the old lady on the top deck! She’s also a deus ex machina – a sloppy plot device if ever I saw one.

I thought that they’d actually come up with a plausible and poignant ending (the freeze frame scene), but that was wrenched away only to be replaced by a ‘lovely’ ending.

So, what happened to Sean in the timeline where Colter saves the day and gets the girl? I don’t think we’re supposed to ask this! Is it even morally ethical for Colter to steal Sean’s body? Surely someone as conscientious as a heroic soldier wouldn’t do such a thing. Oh – wait a minute – in this timeline Sean doesn’t die. Which means that Colter could not have entered his mind because there would be no ‘last eight minutes’ for Sean.

The things that we are asked to suspend disbelief for the sake of stupid endings never ceases to amaze me.

Rating: ★★½☆☆

The Human Centipede

Certificate: Certificate 18

Director: Tom Six

Release Date: 7 May 2010 (?)

Tagline: Their flesh is his fantasy.

Main Cast:

Dieter Laser … Dr. Heiter

Ashley C. Williams … Lindsay

Ashlynn Yennie … Jenny

Akihiro Kitamura … Katsuro

Clichéd drivel. Two clueless American bints get lost in the woods and happen to find a house with a clearly demented owner in it (I half expected to have Riff Raff – The Rocky Horror Picture Show – open the door). All of the typical suspend disbelief scenarios e.g. the “why didn’t she/he do this, that or the other” and the totally ridiculous behaviour of the police (running about in a panic) and such like  were there.

It tries to shock and disgust, but it really does neither. In fact it’s all rather comical. I’m sick and tired of watching horror films that have big build ups but fail to deliver. Watch South Park‘s “The Human CentiPad”. Accepting ‘Terms and Conditions’ will never be the same again!

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Galaxy Quest

Certificate: Certificate PG

Director: Dean Parisot

Release Date: 28 April 2000

Tagline: The show has been cancelled, but the adventure is just beginning.

Main Cast:

Tim Allen … Jason Nesmith

Sigourney Weaver … Gwen DeMarco

Alan Rickman … Alexander Dane

I’m a ‘fanboy/girl’. I love going to conventions for my favourite programmes/films and have stood in awe of some of my favourite actors and have, on occasion, been barely able to utter much more than an “I love you” with a stupid grin on my face! Whilst I am seriously dedicated to my celluloid heroes, I am also able to take a bit of genial fun-poking too, and this is what Galaxy Quest is. Specifically, it is a parody of Star Trek‘s fans. ‘Trekkers’ (they hate being called ‘Trekkies’) do a lot of dressing up and acting in character at their conventions (some even speak nothing but ‘Klingon’ all weekend – which is, in truth, very sad), and this makes them a perfect subject for a parody.

On to the story. Actors from a long since ended TV show (Galaxy Quest) appear at a fan convention – some more happily than others – and are approached by some (seemingly nutters) people claiming to be from another galaxy requesting help.  It turns out that these people really are aliens, and they have watched episodes of “Galaxy Quest” believing that it is real life events, and they are on earth to recruit the ‘crew’ to help them vanquish their enemy. Needless to say, the Galaxy Quest crew find themselves well out of depth, but can they pull this charade off, and help defeat the enemy!

Alan Rickman is  brilliant as the jaded actor who is resentful of the fact that the only living he can now make is off the back of the character he played and now hates, and Sigourney Weaver as the ‘blonde bimbo’ role from the TV show is totally brilliant! Gwen DeMarco is the very antithesis of Ellen Ripley (Alien) – genius casting!

Not only does this film work as a parody, but it also works as a stand alone sci-fi film in its own right. It’s bloody marvellous :-)

Rating: ★★★★★

Mars Attacks!

Certificate: Certificate 12

Director: Tim Burton

Release Date: 28 February 1997

Tagline: Nice planet. We’ll take it!

Main Cast:

Jack Nicholson … President James Dale / Art Land

Glenn Close … First Lady Marsha Dale

Anette Bening … Barbara Land

The best ‘retro’ alien invaders film ever! Tim Burton captures the ‘Dan Dare’ era and essence perfectly. Not much to say about the plot – Martians come to Earth, there’s a big welcoming party, they say that they come in peace but then start shooting the crap out of everybody.

All seems lost but fortunately, Slim Whitman saves the day!

Really good fun.

Rating: ★★★½☆

Watchmen

Certificate: Certificate 18

Director: Zack Snyder

Release Date: 6 March 2009

Tagline: This city is afraid of me. I’ve seen its true face.

Main Cast:

Malin Akerman … Laurie Jupiter / Silk Spectre II

Billy Crudup … Jon Osterman / Dr. Manhattan

Matthew Goode … Adrian Veidt / Ozymandias

I watched the first seventy minutes of this and then switched it off. It is so incredibly boring I think that only fans of the comic will appreciate it.

Can’t say any more than that.

Rating: ½☆☆☆☆

Flash Gordon

Certificate: Certificate PG

Director: Mike Hodges

Release Date: 5 December 1980

Tagline: He’ll save every one of us!

Main Cast:

Sam J. Jones … Flash Gordon

Melody Anderson … Dale Arden

Max von Sydow … The Emperor Ming

Bloody wonderful. If you were born in the 1970s and loved sci-fi, then you *have* to not only watch, but will also love this. In actual fact who wouldn’t love this? You’d have to be bereft of all sense of imagination and joy to dislike Flash Gordon. Unmissable to my generation (I was born in 1971), but perhaps not to others.

It’s my review and therefore gets five stars and a rating of unmissable!

Rating: ★★★★★

Inception

Certificate: Certificate 12A

Director: Christopher Nolan

Release Date: 16 July 2010

Tagline: The dream is real.

Main Cast:

Dom Cobb … Leonardo DiCaprio

Arthur … Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Ariadne … Ellen Page

Eames … Tom Hardy

Saito … Ken Watanabe

Ok, first things first. 12A? Ludicrous. Not only is there a lot of violence, you’ll have to be very intelligent and/or are able to concentrate well to follow this if you are twelve. Any child less than this age/and or ability will only whinge, moan, declare (loudly) that they want to go to the toilet (it’s 148 minute long) and, more than likely, run around. Therefore, watch it with children present at your peril – distractions *will* result in you being completely lost.

Secondly, forget what you have heard about how it’s confusing and incomprehensible. The primary plot is very easy to grasp. It’s only when you try to link every subtle and glorious details that you begin to question and mull things over.

The primary plot is this. Dom Cobb and his colleagues are thieves, but not in the ordinary sense. They go into the the dreams of people to extract and steal things that are in the dreamer’s mind. They are architects of dream worlds and are able to manipulate the dreamer. Cobb has been accused of his wife’s murder and is unable to return to his home and children. A powerful business man, Saito, offers him a chance to get this accusation ‘taken care of’ if he helps him plant a seed (an inception) in to the mind of his terminally ill fiercest rival’s son. The inception in question is to place the idea that the son does not simply inherit the company and keeps it as it is, but to convince him that he is his own man and dissolve the company and follow his own path. Saito claims that if the son continues the business as it is, then it will be “the next superpower”. It seems that Saito has the world’s best interest at heart, but this is niether confirmed or proved false. Needless to say, Dom accepts this job.

It makes total sense. At least on the surface. I need to watch it again to fully understand all the intricacies of the film as a whole!

Inception is a true slice of originality that is sadly lacking in today’s remakes and regurgitations of the same plot but with different trimmings and actors. Absolutely bloody marvellous!

Rating: ★★★★★

P.S. Leonardo DiCaprio is proving himself to be an exceptional actor with every passing year

Gattaca

Certificate: Certificate 15

Director: Andrew Niccol

Release Date: 20 March 1998

Tagline: There is no gene for the human spirit.

Main Cast:

Ethan Hawke … Vincent Freeman

Uma Thurman … Irene Cassini

Jude Law … Jerome Eugene Morrow

Many sci-fi films portray the future as a bleak place where humanity is in decline and/or some kind of place that is post apocalyptic and lawless. Gattaca is the exact opposite.

Instead of bleak hopelessness, we are given a future where we have refined genetic engineering, and perfect human specimens can be born. Those, however, who have been conceived and born naturally are deemed to be of a lower class, and therefore only suitable for menial work.

Vincent Freeman is a ‘faith born’. Genetically inferior and predicted to have many and severe health problems, Vincent has no chance of fulfilling his ambitions; at least not as himself. He takes on the identity of Jerome Morrow, genetically perfect but paralysed as a result of a car crash, to realise his potential, but he must pass rigorous and frequent tests to prove his genetic suitability.

On the surface, genetically engineered humans may seem like a good idea but wouldn’t we be creating elitism and damning natural borns into the bowels of society? Perhaps Gattaca is not the exact opposite after all.

I think that this was perhaps one of those films that seemed to pass by without too much notice but will find its audience in due time. Slick, subtle and with a strange feeling of clinical calmness, Gattaca is a very, very good film.

Rating: ★★★★☆

Star Wars Original Trilogy

Certificate: Certificate 15

Directors: George Lucas, Irvin Kershner, Richard Marquand

Release Date: 1977, 1980, 1983

Main Cast:

Mark Hamill … Luke Skywalker

Harrison Ford … Han Solo

Carrie Fisher … Princess Leia Organa

David Prowse and James Earl Jones (voice) … Darth Vader

There’s no point in reviewing these separately. Star Wars is my religion, and George Lucas is my God! If you haven’t already seen these (and if not – why not?) then there’s something wrong with you.

I will say, though, that please, please watch the original versions and not the special editions. George Lucas may think that he made changes for the better, but he didn’t. If only he realised that you can’t improve on perfection.

Star Wars changed cinema. It also changed lives.

Rating: ★★★★★

P.S.  Han shoots first.

District 9

Certificate: Certificate 15

Directors: Neill Blomkamp and Simon Hansen

Release Date: 4 September 2009

Tagline: You are not welcome here.

Main Cast:

Sharlto Copley … Wikus Van De Merwe

Jason Cope … Grey Bradnam – UKNR Chief Correspondent

I heard good things about this film, but wondered why at the start. It all seemed a bit silly and ridiculous, but when it gets going it’s really, really good. Easily one of the best sci-fi films in recent years.

There’s really only one thing I can say.

I saw the Prawns, and the Prawns were good.

Rating: ★★★★☆

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