Certificate:

Director: Tom Six

Release Date: 7 May 2010 (?)

Tagline: Their flesh is his fantasy.

Main Cast:

Dieter Laser … Dr. Heiter

Ashley C. Williams … Lindsay

Ashlynn Yennie … Jenny

Akihiro Kitamura … Katsuro

Clichéd drivel. Two clueless American bints get lost in the woods and happen to find a house with a clearly demented owner in it (I half expected to have Riff Raff – The Rocky Horror Picture Show – open the door). All of the typical suspend disbelief scenarios e.g. the “why didn’t she/he do this, that or the other” and the totally ridiculous behaviour of the police (running about in a panic) and such like  were there.

It tries to shock and disgust, but it really does neither. In fact it’s all rather comical. I’m sick and tired of watching horror films that have big build ups but fail to deliver. Watch South Park‘s “The Human CentiPad”. Accepting ‘Terms and Conditions’ will never be the same again!

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Peter Brook

Release Date: 13 August 1963

Tagline: Evil is inherent in the human mind, whatever innocence may cloak it…

Main Cast:

James Aubrey … Ralph

Tom Chapin … Jack

Hugh Edwards … Piggy

A wonderful vision of human (especially male) behaviour.

Read the book, then watch the film.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Scott Derrickson

Release Date: 25 November 2005

Tagline: What happened to Emily?

Main Cast:

Laura Linney … Erin Bruner

Tom Wilkinson … Father Moore

Jennifer Carpenter … Emily Rose

This is by far the second best demonic possession/exorcism film that I’ve seen (The Exorcist will, inarguably,  never be surpassed). It’s based on the True Story of Anneliese Michel, a German Catholic girl who was possibly mentally ill, possibly an epileptic, possibly possessed by demons, and possibly a combination of two or all three. After the failure of medication (it’s entirely possible that this failed because of her belief that she might be possessed) she underwent sixty seven exorcisms over a period of ten months.

There are photographs of her after the illness(es) and or possession took hold that are really quite shocking. Is it possible that she was ‘only’ mentally ill and the suggestion that she was demonically possessed caused added complications to this? It seems very unlikely that psychosis, epilepsy and/or anorexia was her primary problem and the cause of all her disturbances.

Now, although I do believe (through personal experience and other eyewitness accounts that are absolutely genuine) that there are ghosts and other things that science cannot explain, I don’t believe in Heaven and Hell. Bearing in mind that I’m an atheist (although I accept that I could be wrong; after all the existence of God can neither be confirmed or denied), I find the story of Anneliese very disturbing. The photographs of her before, during and at the end of her life are genuinely shocking.

So, what do I believe? Illness or demonic possession? Surprisingly, I don’t know what I believe. What *did* happen to Emily?

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Daniel Stamm

Release Date: 3 September 2010

Tagline: Believe in Him.

Main Cast:

Patrick Fabian … Rev. Cotton Marcus

Ashley Bell … Nell Sweetzer

Iris Bahr … Iris Reisen

Louis Herthum … Louis Sweetzer

I love a good exorcism/demonic film. Unfortunately, this is nothing like one. Like the utterly abysmal Paranormal Activity this had very little funding and used the same viral/word of mouth marketing tactics. I wasn’t aware of this until after watching it, and it explained a lot.

Just when you thought it might get quite good, the end is rushed in a confusing final scene. I would suggest that they had no idea how to end it. On the plus side, I thought that the acting was reasonably good.

The Last Exorcism is a rip off of The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby, both of which are masterpieces. It’s not quite as boring as Paranormal Activity, so it gets half a star more than that.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

P.S. Don’t be mislead by the fantastic poster. She doesn’t crawl up the wall – the image has been doctored to make it appear so.

Certificate:

Directors: Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza

Release Date: 28 May 2010

Tagline: Fear revisited.

Main Cast:

Jonathan Mellor … Dr Owen

Óscar Zafra … Jefe (as Oscar Sánchez Zafra)

Ariel Casas … Larra

Alejandro Casaseca … Martos

Pablo Rosso … Rosso

Pep Molina … Padre Jennifer

[REC] 2 is an absolute corker of a sequel. It follows on directly from [REC] and is just as creepy and scary as the first. The story takes a really interesting twist and also leaves a loose ending, so we may be in for a trilogy. There’s nothing really to review, because you have to see the first one as 2 would make no sense on its own. If you liked the first, then you’ll love the sequel.

Bloody marvellous!

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Directors: Michael Spierig & Peter Spierig

Release Date: 6 January 2010

Tagline: In 2019, the most precious natural resource… Is us.

Main Cast:

Ethan Hawke … Edward Dalton

Willem Dafoe … Lionel ‘Elvis’ Cormac

Sam Neill … Charles Bromley

Another good vampire film! First we had 30 Days of Night, and then Let The Right One In. Daybreakers has a very good look and feel (Edward Dalton reminded me of Constantine – a moody, chain-smoking antihero) and it drew me in very quickly. It has just the right level of gore and humour to balance it out, and despite its grim setting it never slips over the line into pretentiousness.

I liked the story and thought that it brought something new to the genre, which is quite hard to do as we all know the ‘rules’ concerning vampires (as ludicrous as that sounds!)

Yes, there was a formulaic side to it, but it was done so well that I didn’t mind. I’d be more than happy to watch it again.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Oren Peli

Release Date: 25 November 2009

Tagline: What happens when you sleep?

Main Cast:

Katie Featherston … Katie

Micah Sloat … Micah

I was looking forward to watching this as I love suspense films. I sat there waiting for something happen, and I waited, and waited then there was an ok bit, and then I waited some more and then it ended.

The whole thing is ludicrous and very, very boring. There are so many instances of why didn’t they do this or that (the major one being not turning the lights on) that you just end up getting frustrated at the characters.

Basically, what happens is this:-

Boy follows girl with a camcorder.

We watch them sleep.

Loud noises wake them up, boy runs around with the camcorder.

And so on.

What happens when you sleep? Not much, going by this! If this scares you, then I recommend that you watch Finding Nemo. The ‘mild peril’ element will have you quaking in your boots.

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Release Date: 7 October 2009

Tagline: This place is so dead.

Main Cast:

Jesse Eisenberg … Columbus

Woody Harrelson … Tallahassee

Emma Stone … Wichita

Abigail Breslin … Little Rock

Zombieland is a very good spoof of zombie films, and sits quite happily alongside Shaun of the Dead in terms of quality. All of the ‘how to survive a zombie infestation’ clichés are there, and somehow they have managed to make a very funny film in a genre (spoofs) that is itself infested with mediocrity.

If you love zombie films and are familiar with the ‘rules’ of survival, then you’ll like this. And yes, sometimes only a Twinkie can hit the spot!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Karyn Kusama

Release Date: 4 November 2009

Tagline: She’s evil… and not just high school evil.

Main Cast:

Megan Fox … Jennifer

Amanda Seyfried … Needy

Johnny Simmons … Chip

Jennifer’s Body is a surprisingly entertaining black humour with American teenagers as the central characters (that’s why it’s surprisingly entertaining!)  Basically, high school ‘Miss Popular’ Jennifer gets more than she bargained for when she got in a van with a rock band.

I have a slight niggle with the fact that she was supposed to be a succubus. Succubi don’t tear men’s throats out to draw energy, they shag them until they can take no more. However, I’d far rather watch the throat tearing, so I’ll not worry about that too much.

If you’ve seen Ginger Snaps and liked it, then you’ll like this. If you haven’t seen it – why not, it’s great?

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Certificate:

Director: Glenn Standring

Release Date: 16 August 2007

Tagline: Humans and vampires have lived in harmony… Until now.

Main Cast:

Dougray Scott … Brother Silas

Saffron Burrows … Lily

Leo Gregory … Brother Edgar

This should have been ‘right up my street’, but it wasn’t. It’s very visually stunning with clever use of colour, but the look of the film is its best quality. For some reason I found that it couldn’t hold my attention. It has a strange and completely bereft of emotion love story element and in some cases is just plain pretentious. I also found the mix of Dickensian times and the 1960s somewhat silly.

I really should have liked this, and it’s a shame that I didn’t.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars