-
Blog Search
Links
Certificate: 
Director: Guillermo de Toro
Release Date: 2 September 2004
Tagline: From the dark side to our side.
Main Cast:
Ron Perlman … Hellboy
John Hurt … Trevor ‘Broom’ Bruttenholm
Selma Blair … Liz Sherman
Doug Jones … Abe Sapien
I was pleasantly surprised by Hellboy. I am not familiar with the comic, but the film is a very good, solid comic book movie. The story is engaging and I really liked the character of Hellboy. Ron Perlman manages to do a great job of portraying this scary looking man as anything but scary! He makes Hellboy seem more human than demon and his vulnerablility and loneliness is very touching. There’s a good element of humour as well.
Lastly, if you are a fan of the tv series Frasier then the voice of Abe Sapien will be familiar to you; it’s David Hyde Pierce (uncredited).
Rating: 
Certificate:
Director: Christopher Nolan
Release Date: 24 July 2008
Tagline: Why so serious?
Main Cast:
Bruce Wayne … Christian Bale
The Joker … Heath Ledger
Aaron Eckhart … Harvey Dent
Alfred … Michael Caine
*** WARNING – THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS ***
This is how I like my Joker served up. An evil sociopath for whom nothing is out of bounds. He’s absolutely delicious! And everything you’ve heard about Heath Ledger’s performance is true. If there’s any justice in this world, the he surely will win an Oscar for his performance. I’m not just saying this because (tragically) he’s dead. I’m saying this as a long time reader of the comic, and long time lover of the Joker. Jack Nicholson was great in Tim Burton’s version, but that was closer to the camp 1960’s TV show. The Dark Knight depicts the Joker exactly as he should be. There’s nothing funny about him and that’s the irony.
Moving on from the Joker (because I could wax lyrical all day about him), Christian Bale is again excellent as Batman. I’m glad that they changed the suit (too stiff – as mentioned, he couldn’t turn his head) and blew up the Batmobile. I hated that from Batman Begins and hope that we really have seen the last of it.
The character of Rachel Dawes is insipid, and her demise is welcomed by myself. Of course, knowing who Harvey Dent is, I was in no doubt that the Joker had played a trick on Batman and the police, and Harvey was the one who would be saved. This works very well both for those who are unfamiliar with the comic – my husband was surprised at the trick (oh crap – I’ve given my gender away!) and I myself revelled in the evil twist. Personally, I wanted another one. I hoped that the ferry incident would have led to the death of the one which decided to press the button, but I guess that they had to show the difference between the Joker and and those of us who have morality. Screw morality – I wanted more carnage, not a lesson!
There are moments of comedy (twisted and fantastic!) but this is not a light comic book film at all. Personally, I think that the BBFC have lost all credibility, and the rating system is all but useless. 12a? Not in the slightest. Cinema is ruled by money, and it seems to me that the BBFC are now bowing to pressure, and using the ‘a’ part of the rating as a cop out. 12 has now been ditched, and all responsibility has been placed on the child’s parents/guardians. And we all know how responsible some parents can be. The screening I went to had two young children (no more than 5 & 7 as they were from the same family) and if they had been mine, I would never have let them watch it.
The Dark knight is utterly brilliant, and any sequel will surely pale in comparison. Watch this film. It’s superb!
Rating:
Certificate:
Director: Robert Luketic
Release Date: 13 May 2005
Tagline: She met the perfect man. Then she met his mother.
Main Cast:
Jennifer Lopez … Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Cantilini
Jane Fonda … Viola Fields
Monster-In-Law is a very undemanding but reasonably entertaing film. It’s all very predictable, but there are enough laughs to raise it above the average Hollywood comedy. Jane Fonda came out of retirement to play Viola Fields, and I don’t think she would have any reason to regret that decision.
Even though the central storyline is of an engaged couple it is no way a RomCom which, in my book, is a good thing!
If you’re looking for a simple uncomplicated comedy, then this is worth a look.
Rating: 
Certificate:
Director: Roland Emmerich
Release Date: 27 May 2004
Tagline: This year, a sweater won’t do.
Main Cast:
Dennis Quaid … Jack Hall
Jake Gyllenhaal … Sam Hall
Emmy Rossum … Laura Chapman
Roland Emmerich is responsible for some of the worst movies ever made yet somehow they seem to make money. If you ever needed proof that the average movie goer is happy to watch poorly scripted and utterly ridiculous tosh, then look at Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow and, one suspects, 10,000 B.C. (at the time of writing, the latter has only just been released).
Out of the three films mentioned above, this one is the best. Not that it makes it good, mind you. It’s just not as dreadful as the others.
I know that this is a ‘disaster’ film, but the disaster should be the plot – not the film itself! Seriously though, I know that although you often have to suspend belief for such films, there is proof that they can be made with believable stories (The Towering Inferno is perhaps the best example).
The story is utterly ridiculous. Perhaps my favourite moment is where our heroes go into the ship to find medicine for the potentially fatally ill Laura. As if they weren’t in enough peril (in the middle of a climate catastrophe with a dying friend), there are some wolves (at least they look like wolves) that follow them into the ship and attack them.
Having said all that, as a ‘popcorn’ film, TDAT works reasonably well. However, it totally lacks any sense of danger and tension which are crucial elements of a good disaster film. Somehow you just know that all the main characters will live, and everything will be all right in the end. As is customary with Emmerich’s films it is riddled with clichés and is a fine example of a corny movie.
Rating:
Certificate:
Director: Roland Emmerich
Release Date: 14 March 2008
Tagline: It takes a hero to change the world.
Main Cast:
Steven Strait … D’Leh
Camilla Belle … Evolet
Cliff Curtis … Tic’Tic
Some films leave you speechless. 10,000 BC is one of those. It’s astonishing. Astonishingly bad, that is.
The acting is terrible and the story is atrocious. There are so many clichés in it that I don’t know where to start. And it’s historically and geographically inaccurate in the most appalling of ways. And then there’s the terrible case of deuce ex machina on at least two occasions. Inexplicably, there are also two attempts at humour. Both are terrible.
Ok… I’ll try and calm my mind enough to write down everything that is wrong with this film.
I’ve already mentioned the acting. And I have a casting issue. This may be nitpicking, but why couldn’t they cast an actress for Evolet that actually had blue eyes? The role isn’t exactly demanding. In fact, I’m sure that a plank of wood could have played this part equally as well. Perhaps all the blue eyed girls had more sense than to get involved in this pile of rubbish.
Basically, the plot is this. A tribe of people in Arctic like conditions are starving because of the lack of woolly mammoths to hunt. That’s how remote they are. They have nothing else to hunt (this is an important point for a geographical farce).
There’s a prophecy that says that a hero and a blue eyed girl will deliver them from starvation or whatever, and will save the tribe. And that’s where Evolet comes in. Some tribesmen find a girl in alone in the Arctic condition mountains wandering around. They take her back to their home, and she has blue eyes. The audience is supposed to thing ‘ooh’ in a knowing sort of way at this. There is a boy in the tribe (D’Leh) that fancies her. He points out a star in the sky and says something sappy like ‘you’ll always be in my heart’ blah, blah, blah.
First cliché… Head tribesman leaves the clan for the greater good and gives the ‘white spear’ to Tic’Tic. Everyone thinks that it was an act of cowardice (he asked Tic’Tic to keep the real reason secret). His son is mocked by his peers, especially one boy. We come to the conclusion of this cliché later in the film.
Second cliché… The mammoths return, and whoever shows the most bravery and brings one down will get the white spear. Needless to say, D’Leh succeeds at this though there was more accident than bravery about it. So he gets the white spear, but can’t take the guilt and gives it back to Tic’Tic.
Whilst this is going on, raiders attack the camp and capture most of the tribe (including Evolet), and one boy’s mother is killed. So, off they go on a trip to save the tribe. The boy wants to go with them but is told to stay behind. So he follows them secretly (yawn).
Now we get the the geographical farce and the first deuce ex machina. After they have trekked over the mountains they come to lush forestation. And then they suddenly appear in Africa, and not northern Africa either. Strangely enough, head tribesman of the Africans speaks the same language. Aparrantly, there was a man who came over the mountains and taught them. How fortunate that D’Leh and his cronies run into the same tribe as his father did.
D’Leh manages to amass a bit of a fighting force helped by the…
…Third cliché. D’Leh saves a sabre toothed tiger from certain death. The tiger turns up at a tribe that D’Leh is with, and all is spared because the tiger recognises D’Leh. And what would you know – this tribe has a prophecy that a tamer of a ’spear tooth’ will deliver them from whatever. By now I couldn’t have cared less.
So, on they trek after the captives. D’Leh gets a bit downhearted as they have lost the trail, but on of these stupid prophecies mentions something about a light or whatever, and D’Leh suddenly remembers his star, and that leads them to Evolet and the other captives (very vomit inducing). Somehow, they have been forced into slavery building the pyramids! Not only is Egypt in north Africa, but the pyramids were not built in 10,000 B.C. And they are shown as being built all together. They weren’t. And I guess this is where they ran out of money, because it isn’t the Pharaoh Kufu (his tomb was the ‘Great Pyramid) in charge, it’s some made up person called the Pyramid God.
Now to deuce ex machina number two and yet another prophecy (I had a prophecy too – that this film would be utter shit). In the slave camp which has ben infiltrated by D’Leh, there is some weird blind man whom they keep in a hole underground. He makes an appearance to look at Evolet’s hand, sees some scars and rambles on about another prophecy. I’m not sure what this one is about, as I had lost the will to live by then.
Needless to say, they slaves revolt, D’Leh gets the white spear, and all turns out just peachy in the end, although we do have a pretence at an unhappy ending, but good old shameness ‘old mother’ from D’Leh’s tribe saves us from bawling our eyes out. I still felt like crying though (with pain).
If you like cliché ridden piles of rubbish then you’ll love 10,000 B.C. If not, then you are better off driving nails into your arms.
Rating: (for the woolly mammoths)